I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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