I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Ketchup is God's man juice
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize