I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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