I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
