In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
