Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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