I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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