where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
pray to the hookup gods
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
