can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
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My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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