It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
