If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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