Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
