I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
