The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize