I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize