i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
