well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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