theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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