I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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