i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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