omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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