tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
