In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
