Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
