Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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