Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
