just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
