You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
