never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
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i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
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I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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