Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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