I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
