you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
