also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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