if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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