Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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