I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
