and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize