Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
