Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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