White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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