It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.