Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
