bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
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What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.