only if we run a train.
done.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
