I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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