I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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