dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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