tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
