My sheets look like a crime scene.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
