3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
