i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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