We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
