hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is Oprah even human
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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