I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
