grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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