Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
