I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
