You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize