So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize