i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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