If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
